well, the girl of whom i love more than the heavens and earth combined is in hospital tonight, she is pregnant of about 20 weeks and has such a low blood pressure level that insufficient bloodflow is reaching the baby within her womb. i can honestly say i have never been more terrified, not for myself, but for her. life is a series of moments, and i want each of her moments to be perfect and filled with happiness, and this is clearly a huge red mark on my plan of perfect happiness for the girl.
i know the impact of losing this baby and what it will do to her, this tiny little dipper that has been growing within her for the past 20 months has been loved more and more by her with each passing day. the loss of such a child would crush her. now i dont mean the "oh he dumped me, he was the love of my life, im crushed" that can be cured with time and a new partner, or a heavy drinking session and the rapid destruction of greymatter (braincells), im talking about true crushing blow to the spirit and the heart. the amount of love i can tell she has for this child she has yet to meet, kicking about inside her as she keeps it safe from the horrors of the world, there would be no recovery, it will break her heart, a fracture that can never be healed, and i do not want that for her, she deserves so much better after all the crap and hardship she has had to endure. i love her and it is killing me that i cannot be by her side in this time of hardship. all i can do is present my feelings into this blog so they do not eat me from the inside out, i would give everything for this girl, and yet, i am powerless to do anything.
no jokes or sarcastic comments tonight, just worry and fear for a text that could mean the worst in the morning. if anyone out there reads this and is of the praying type. pray for her and her unborn child. its all i can do.
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