those Perfect Moments

people squander life, you know that. ive always had the occasional thought of it, but now i have a blog, and by the celesital powers (thats all the gods of any religion) im going to use it to share my strange and outlandish views (well ok, not outlandish, but it makes me look cool to say it)

look at all the homeless people living in the street, so many people desperate to get a job so they can life in a home, be safe, and not get STD's by simply sleeping with their mouth open. these poor folks want to better themselves, yet there are thousands, no actually, most likely millions in this country alone who are quite happy to cheat benefits in order to sit comfortably and stay out of any form of work, the lazy live well and the hard workers suffer and die in the street. its wrong, true work sucks, but there is a job out there for each and every person, something they do truly enjoy if they just worked through the layers of crap to get there. i hate my job, its mind-numbingly dull and my mouth hurts from all the fake smiling, but i do it because i know its the right thing to do to get where i want to be, where i can finally enjoy what i do. if i see someone begging on the street, i always wish i could help, if my luck ever shifted, i could find myself among their numbers. i give what i can, when i can (i dont carry coins often) and i even gave a pizza hut pizza slice to a guy once, cos i didnt have any money to give him....it was good pizza too...

the rich and the higher up empoyees seem to instantly forget what its like to be on the lower levels of employment, seeing them all as dim witted idiots who cant do a thing without commands and constant checking up on (we view the managers the same way, to be fair) but there is so many life chances wasted, people who ignore their familes just to focus on their work. if you want to work for a living, as in, live for your work, dont get a family, it only tears it apart in the end, no good ever comes from it. not everyone squanders life though, the middle class have it right usually...well occasionally, not too rich, not too poor, but always aiming for that goal in life, and always there for their family when it counts.

i mention the squandering of life because ive been quite lazy this past week, other than worrying about my poor friend, ive basically unpacked boxes and watched TV. when every day i mean to call Equity for information, phone up an agency for a directors information to ask for screenwriting aid, and a great many other things, when i realised that, i remembered every lazy person i ever see. especially through my till, i see fat people who "cant help their weight" but i end up scanning through piles of crisps, chocolate, fizzy drinks, frozen foods and maybe like, 1 piece of fruit. they also squander life, not because they are fat, but because like everyone else, its never their fault, its always someone elses, we live in an age of blame casting. no one is ever willing to take responcabilities for their actions, the fat blame the fast food, never the thought of "wait, im fat, hmm maybe i should exercise and cut down on all this crap...try to eat a bit better balanced", my ex girlfriend was always moaning about not having money, but would never ever go out of her way to look for a job. it just...it annoys me so much, if you want something, fight for it, stop blaming others. take responcibilites for your actions, only you can change you, only you are in control of what you do, so stop making excuses and live a life!!

yeah...my blogs will probably go back to being sarcastic soon...just had to get that off my chest. peace out.

Terror for a loved one

well, the girl of whom i love more than the heavens and earth combined is in hospital tonight, she is pregnant of about 20 weeks and has such a low blood pressure level that insufficient bloodflow is reaching the baby within her womb. i can honestly say i have never been more terrified, not for myself, but for her. life is a series of moments, and i want each of her moments to be perfect and filled with happiness, and this is clearly a huge red mark on my plan of perfect happiness for the girl.

i know the impact of losing this baby and what it will do to her, this tiny little dipper that has been growing within her for the past 20 months has been loved more and more by her with each passing day. the loss of such a child would crush her. now i dont mean the "oh he dumped me, he was the love of my life, im crushed" that can be cured with time and a new partner, or a heavy drinking session and the rapid destruction of greymatter (braincells), im talking about true crushing blow to the spirit and the heart. the amount of love i can tell she has for this child she has yet to meet, kicking about inside her as she keeps it safe from the horrors of the world, there would be no recovery, it will break her heart, a fracture that can never be healed, and i do not want that for her, she deserves so much better after all the crap and hardship she has had to endure. i love her and it is killing me that i cannot be by her side in this time of hardship. all i can do is present my feelings into this blog so they do not eat me from the inside out, i would give everything for this girl, and yet, i am powerless to do anything.

no jokes or sarcastic comments tonight, just worry and fear for a text that could mean the worst in the morning. if anyone out there reads this and is of the praying type. pray for her and her unborn child. its all i can do.

Kittycats and poopy pants

well its been a whole week in my new home now, the house party is finally over (wasnt all week, we had it the other night but shush) it was quite an amusing time, meeting my housemates friends, talking to them as they became increasingly drunk and incoherant from smoking certain substances. apparently according to one of them, mistaking a bottle of Sure deodorant in his girlfriends bag for a Lightbulb was enough to begin a giggling fit lasting over 2 hours.

i was constantly pointing to each of them and repeating their names loudly, to prove to myself that, 1. i could remember peoples names for once, and 2. exactly why im concidered a social outcast.

to add to the fun of the week, my cat decided to say "fuck you, you havent cleaned my litter box well enough for my standards" and promply pissed all over my bed right through the layers to the mattress. needless to say, i was pissed in a differant way. and my cat remained locked in my study for the rest of the day while i cleaned up and cursed him under my breath. for some reason, my friend cassie found it hilarious that he pissed on my bed. the only bit of pleasure i took out of the incidence is that, 1. my friend cassie was actually sleeping over that night, and 2. he pissed on her side.

i put together and painted a model given to me for my birthday yesterday. it took me about 4 hours to glue and paint it in total...time well spent....yeah. no seriously im quite proud of how well i painted it, and how much the glue fumes fucked with my eyes and stuck my fingers to themselves. but a job well done, is a job well done. as long as its not in Tesco. then is just a job.

anyway, its been quite a quiet week, so i think that pretty much wraps up all ive done...according to my rumbling stomach, ive neglected to eat today, so i say, farewell, or even, LIVE LONG AND PROSPER (spock ruuuuules)

Spazzy cats and Double bedrooms.

so im finally in my new house, with my 5 month old cat bouncing off the walls. literally. i swear he would be scrambling about the ceiling if he could. my bedroom is huge, i mean absolutely massive...of course its filled with boxes so it may as well be the size of a thimble.

so far its been pretty nice, finally got internet in my house, and get to sleep hearing my Cat purr next to my head.

my birthday was awesome, waiting in line for 2 hours to get onto the saw ride at Thorpe Park. getting soaked to the bone marrow on Tidalwave, see one of my best friends boyfriend win her a huge dog toy, and get me a spongebob toy.

yesterday was one of the worst evenings of my life by far. my Best friend text me to tell me she was going to hospital for abdominal pains and bleeding, she is pregnant and i knew that a miscarrage would crush her. i stayed up late waiting for that reply that would bring relief, which finally came and allowed me to calm down. though i still worry about her, i know i will always worry about her. but thats the duty of a friend, and apprently future godfather of the child (woo, i get my own mafia when its born! sweet) anywho, thats the news. aaaand my cat is currently dangling from the curtains. peace out.

the year of the studio

and here i stand (well sit) on my final day of living here in my studio flat, the first place i ever rented, first time i took those independent steps and stumbles, sorted out bills, cleaning, cooking, extended travel to work and back. where i watched a friend turn to a loudmouthed abusive ex to one of my other friends, where i stayed up all night excited for my small background role in "The Bill" tv soap, then promply passed out on getting home and waking up to some show about ventriloquist puppets that was on my tv at 1.30am. where i went paintballing for the first time, helping my team constantly win with my well placed smoke grenades, paintball covering fire and warning shouts of incoming enemy locations.

so much has happened in this past year that has really changed who i am as a person and helped me to shape into a much better and responsible person through it. im still good old sarcastic and strange guy all my friends know, but im also so much more. i will always remember this little flat as the place where that all happened, where i truly went from being a teen to a young man. if a studio flat can have that effect, i cant wait to see what my next place will do for my life.

at least at my next place i will be sharing with my good friend, therefore splitting the bills and having more spare money (sweet blessed money) to spend on things, so my Equity membership can actually be paid for, and allow me to boost my career ten-fold, with a bit of luck and right place/right time scenarios.

well, onwards and upwards, its the only way i can go so far, havent risen high enough to fall yet.

this is Sean McQuinn, signing off, thanks for listening children! (three dog referance, if you dont get it, shame on you, and play fallout 3)

random thoughts coming to the web

you know what ive recently realised completely, without a hint of a shadow of a doubt. my life sucks. liturally sucks, Dyson hoovers have nothing on my life, my life would suck the carpet so hard the foundations would be torn from the earth.
now, dont get me wrong, i have great friends and some good times, but the blight of my life, the very seed of all malice and anguish and annoyance in my life, is and only can be, Tesco (every little helps)
you see, Tesco, or Hellish cesspit, as i call it under my breath, is dull, it could not be duller if it was devoid of all colour and everyone spoke with a monotone voi...wait a second, pretty much everyone does speak monotone like... especially on tills, i myself try to spark up conversations with customers, but even then, its usually the same questions. (apparently my managers dont like me trying to ask insiteful questions to the customers, such as, "why are you buying pink tampons, does it make a differance what colour they are when they go in?" and "these condoms are alright, but i suggest getting Pleasuremax, all my female friends seem to love those!") so i end up repeating the same 5 lines over and over and over, for about 6 hours a day, go home, scream into my pillows and do it again the next day.... this has been my life for 4 years, thats 208 weeks, thats 1460 days. thats quite a large chunk of my life i am never getting back, it has been stolen from me...and legally!!!
my acting jobs are all no-gos, they are one off day jobs that never lead to anything greater than "thanks for coming in, we might call you next time we have a project (but we wont)" im hoping joining Equity over the summer will change all that, if not...more blogging to follow about how much Tesco sucks the hairy testicals of life. stay tuned!!